


Are You an Angel? No, Wait.

by kainess



Series: MC isn't good at pick up lines. [1]
Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Lucifer - Freeform, M/M, MC - Freeform, MC is gender neutral, Main character - Freeform, Reader-Insert, chaos and pickup lines, mammon - Freeform, mammon didn't do anything but he thinks he helped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:53:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25580146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kainess/pseuds/kainess
Summary: You’re determined to win Lucifer over with at least one pickup line. It doesn’t bode over well.
Relationships: Lucifer & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Lucifer/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Series: MC isn't good at pick up lines. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1854259
Comments: 10
Kudos: 177





	Are You an Angel? No, Wait.

**Author's Note:**

> MC has gender neutral pronouns.

This is [prompt 293](https://creativepromptsforwriting.tumblr.com/post/151624497176/prompt-293?fbclid=IwAR0o2vDSMR15SMv0yEoVn3XuppMJdqn3u-57ZRnyHzy7ZuB0tvy7WdnutYY) from Tumblr account [Creative Writing Prompts](https://creativepromptsforwriting.tumblr.com/)!

You sat there with narrowed eyes, fingertips drumming along your thighs. You were in a council meeting with the other brothers, and while on a normal day, you’d be absolutely over the moon about this as it was a rare treat, you had some more… _pressing_ issues to deal with. If pressing meant thinking up pickup lines to use on the head of the house, then yes, it was rather pressing. You see, earlier you had overheard Mammon and Asmodeus talking about how Lucifer hates pickup lines. That’s right, he _hated_ them, and as someone who _loved_ them, you just simply couldn’t let that go. No one can hate pickup lines, they just haven’t heard a good one yet. Besides, Lucifer seemed like the type to secretly enjoy a good pickup line or two; you’d just have to get it out of him. 

So, that’s why you were currently scheming away in the middle of a council meeting. Would anyone be mad if they found out you weren’t paying attention? Maybe Lucifer, but there was barely a moment where he wasn’t angry over something. You didn’t think the others would fuss over it too much, maybe Barbatos, but would Diavolo get angry? Maybe at first, but if you explain to him what you planned on doing then he’d probably just join you. 

There was another issue, however, one more pressing than the first. _You weren’t good at pickup lines._ You never have been, and you didn’t think there’d be a time where you ever would be. It was just a tragedy you’d have to live with. You know who _was_ good at pickup lines though? _Mammon_ . Instantly, your eyes land on Mammon who’s seated across the table from where you sat. Yes, you _could_ get help from Asmodeus instead, but your goal wasn’t necessarily to seduce Lucifer, so Mammon would have to suffice for now. You’d get your hands on Diavolo later. 

Sneakily, you pulled your D.D.D from your pocket and typed a brief message to the second oldest brother. You could hear his phone vibrate and with great interest you watched as he typed up a brief message. 

**Mammoney**

_What do ya want? Messagin’ me in the middle of a council meetin’, you want Lucifer to yell at us, is that it?_

_Then again, I guess ya just can’t go that long without talkin’ to THE Great Mammon, so I guess I can try to understand for ya sake._

You rolled your eyes from the context of the messages. It was tempting to just ignore him at that point-- you knew that would work him up more than anything else, however, you needed to set your pride aside for this one so you could get what you really wanted. And what you really wanted was to make Lucifer flustered. It would be a good pay off for everything you’d have to endure with Mammon, you just knew it.

**Y/N**

_Gee, so glad you could put in the time for me._

_I need your help. How do you feel about getting Lucifer flustered?_

_Wait, that sounds weird. Not in a weird way. Okay, wait, I’m not making it sound any better. Okay, I’m just going to throw it all out at once. I need help coming up with pickup lines to use on Lucifer. If you help me, I’ll do your homework for the next two months._

You looked back up just in time to see an eyebrow raise on Mammon’s face. You knew the offer would be tempting for him, after all, the demon hated doing his homework. You offered him a smile when you locked eyes and the second eldest sighed under his breath. 

You couldn’t have been out of your seat fast enough when Diavolo ended the council meeting. You zoomed past the other brothers and practically tackled Mammon in the hallway as soon as you had the chance. “Jeez human, knock it off, will ya? Why are ya so excited about this anyway? Ya really wanna get to him that bad?” You lazily swatted at his arm before giving him the proper amount of personal space. 

“I just think he hasn’t heard any good ones yet, and I’m going to change that.” You paused slightly before looking at the white haired man. “With your help, of course.” He only scoffed in response. 

“Ya know ya could just _look up_ pickup lines, right? Ya don’t really need my help for somethin’ like this.” Normally Mammon would be pretty ecstatic about you needing his help with something, so you assumed you were cutting into some of his after school plans. You huffed under your breath and crossed your arms over your chest. 

“Do you want me to do your homework or not? Look, I can always just go to someone else for this. In fact, I’m sure one of your brothers would _love_ to help, and for free, probably. I bet Levi has pickup lines for days.” You didn’t voice that they’d more than likely all be related to anime. 

Mammon’s eye twitched, and your bait seems to have worked. “Alright, alright, _look_ \-- there’s no need-- you don’t need to get the others involved. I’m more than capable of this. I was practically born to give out pickup lines, ya know.” _Weird flex, but okay_. “Let’s just go before I lose interest.”

❀❀❀❀

“So? How are ya feelin’?” Mammon’s staring at you with what you can only label as a proud grin. It looked odd, especially since the two of you hadn’t even done anything yet. Honestly, you both only lounged around and watched movies while playing on your D.D.Ds. You weren’t sure what you were expecting to come out of this, and yet here you were, standing in front of Lucifer’s closed door. 

“I don’t think this is a good idea.” Is all you could say before Mammon nearly broke down the door with his insistent knocking. Before you can react, he’s already disappeared down the hall, leaving you completely alone. Maybe you should have just gone to Diavolo. 

The door swung open with an annoyed Lucifer glaring down at you. That’s right, Mammon did bang on the door a little hard. You sighed inwardly when realizing Mammon left you with an angry and disgruntled Lucifer. Sometimes you thought the second oldest really _did_ want you dead. Your name falling from Lucifer’s lips is what brings you back to reality. _Right._ You had a mission to accomplish and you were going to achieve it, in one way or another. “Sorry for the loud knocking.” You decided apologizing first would be your best course of action. It seems to work too, if the small smile on Lucifer’s lips was anything to go by. He didn’t look happy by any means, but he didn’t look pissed either. You considered it a win. “Can I come in? I wanted to talk to you.” 

Lucifer raised a brow at this, though he moves to the side and opens his door wider. “Did one of my brothers do something? You know I’d be more than happy to talk to them if they did something to upset you.” Oh, you _know_. The entire devildom knows. Regardless, you shook your head and stepped inside his office. 

“It’s nothing like that. Actually I just…” Your voice trailed off as your eyes landed on his desk. The entire surface was covered in paperwork and it was then that the reality of the situation dawned on you. You interrupted Lucifer’s work, one of his biggest pet peeves, and you had absolutely no pickup lines memorized in your head. Why again did you think Mammon was the best suited one for this job? Maybe Mammon would at least have the decency to play your favorite song at your funeral. 

“You just?” He’s already back at his desk, writing something down as you stand in front of him like an idiot. He must be used to this. You briefly wonder for a moment if that’s all he sees you as. Before you can let the thought depress you any further, you clear your throat. It was now or never. Your palms were beginning to feel clammy. You tug at the collar of your shirt; was it always this hot in his office? 

“Are you an angel? No, wait.” That’s not how the pickup line went. You shook your head and raised a hand to cut Lucifer off before he could question you. “Did you fall-- no, _wait_ .” This was beginning to frustrate you. _Ah!_ You knew it--

_**“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”** _

It’s the only line your brain can muster, and it’s not even a good one. You raised your gaze to find Lucifer staring at you from where he’s seated. He blinks. Once, then twice. A few more times. The silence is beginning to stretch out and right before you can continue, he speaks up. “It ripped out my wings, so yes, it _did_ hurt.” Your mouth goes dry as you try to think of something to respond with. Why did your brain have to think up a line that had the potential to just piss him off even more? “Why do you ask? Are you curious about fallen angels? I suppose it’s only natural, humans have always been curious creatures. Still, couldn’t this have waited for when I finished my work for the day? I don’t really have the time to go into details about it right now.”

You’re beginning to wonder if Lucifer actually hates pickup lines, or if it’s the fact that they just completely go over his head. Something tells you it’s the latter. 

He’s impatiently tapping his pen against the desk, silently reminding you that he’s waiting for an answer. “Ah,” is what you lamely came up with. 

“Right then. I’ll see you later and then we can discuss things.” With a wave of his hand you’re dismissed, and you find yourself numbly walking out of his office. You look over to see Mammon lingering around the end of the hall, an excited smile spreading across his face when he sees you. 

“So? How’d it go?” He asked as he ran up to you, barely stopping himself in time so he wouldn’t collide into you. 

“Um…” You try to think over the best way to explain what just happened. “We have a lot of work to do.” Is what you settle on saying.


End file.
